It doesn’t matter how much an action on someone’s part affects you or involves you, it’s still not about you.

I donate monthly to the ASPCA (thanks to Sarah McLaughlin and her commercials). Charity, right? Giving up my own money to help animals in need, sounds selfless, right? Wrong. It’s 100% about me. {gasp!} Wait, what?! Sorry kids, I don’t want to admit it either, but the reason I donate my money to the ASPCA is because it makes me feel good to help homeless animals. Why don’t I donate to hungry kids in Ethiopia? Because it doesn’t make me feel as good as donating to the animals. It’s not because Ethiopian kids aren’t great or in need of help, but I can only donate to so many charities, so I pick the one that makes me feel the best. See? No matter how charitable you think you are being, you are still functioning off what makes you feel good, not the subject of your giving.

If someone does something hurtful to you, it isn’t about you. It’s about that person. Huh? If someone screams at you and tells you how horrible you are, yes maybe you did something deserving of the screaming, but that person only screams at you because screaming makes that person feel better. Or if that person maturely backs away from the situation where you acted ridiculous, they didn’t back away because it was the mature thing to do (which it was, but that doesn’t matter), they backed away because taking the mature route felt better to them than screaming at you. Again, it’s all about them, not you.

At the end of the day, every person will do what is best for them, no matter how much it looks like they are doing something for someone else.  Don’t worry, this isn’t a bad thing. It just needs to be known.


Be cognizant of your actions and how they may affect the people around you, but realize too that people react because of themselves, not you. An action by you may have a completely different effect on one person than it does another. Therefore, since you are the common denominator, it means the person’s reaction to you is in fact about them and not you.

Especially in business and investing, where money is involved, people are more and more out for themselves. Stand strong about what you know to be right and wrong. If you know you did right, and someone reacts poorly to you, don’t take it personal.  While everyone in business and investing is out to make a buck, make sure that their means of making that buck have some kind of positive effect on you as well and not just them.

*This theory is not to suggest in any way for you to feel free to go out and be an asshole. Be nice to people, do what you feel is right, treat others as you want to be treated, and then realize other people’s actions have nothing to do with you.

  • Angie Menegay

    Just wanted to say I chuckled quite a bit when reading this post. I too donate and volunteer for animal rescue groups but not the other charities, and at times I feel so horrible about it…

  • Narelle

    I am so glad I came across your website!! I am in my early thirties and am confident that the information you provide here will help me step out and take that leap to acquire my first rental property.

    • Ali

      Thanks, Narelle, I really appreciate that!

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